Odd this day
Brutal dictator Idi Amin is troubled by rumours of a tortoise plodding its way into a village police station and asking to speak to the provincial governor of Jinja, and the town’s police commissioner.
Or, at least, that’s what United Press International reported. The story found its way to a number of outlets on this day in 1978, including the Rome News Tribune, the Ottawa Citizen, and even — the following day — The Vidette, student newspaper of Illinois State University.
The story is not a straightforward one, and runs roughly as follows. The shelled reptile in question (one for Second Mentions, there) apparently had “an undisclosed message” for the officials it asked to meet, and the news of its coming spread with the traditional speed of rumour.
Tales of the tortoise became so widespread … that telephone callers besieged newspapers in neighboring Kenya, reporting on the creature’s progress. At one point the callers disclosed the animal was “under arrest” in Kampala’s central jail. Wardens there confirmed in another telephone conversation they had “heard the story”.
Even though the actual message from the enfundu (Ugandan for tortoise, I’m told) was not released, it was apparently “stirring up trouble for ‘Big Daddy’ Amin” who took it “so seriously that he has threatened to shoot anyone spreading the story”. A cursory glance at the man’s track record make it clear that it wasn’t difficult to rouse him to that point. In his eight years in charge of the country, during which time he became
His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, CBE, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular
(titles which, like ‘uncrowned king of Scotland’, he had largely bestowed upon himself), he was responsible for anything up to 500,000 deaths by various forms of violence, usually involving torture. This was a man who — when asked if it was true he was a cannibal — said:
If, as UPI reported, though, the Voice of Uganda newspaper ran a page one story denouncing the “totally untrue, baseless and nonsensical” rumours, it does appear that this one properly annoyed him.
The Ugandan state newspaper also said:
The provincial governor and the provincial commissioner of police have dismissed as totally untrue the rumor that has been circulating around that there is a talking tortoise anywhere.
If those officials had said anything else, and the editor had printed anything else, of course, it would not have been good for their long-term prospects. The report continues:
Officials called a meeting and then denounced the population as “always drunk with rumors”. The government appealed to both the public and police to “arrest anyone who trades in such rumors”, denouncing them as “confusing agents who are collaborating with the exiles to try and confuse the people of Uganda”. Amin has repeatedly threatened to put “confusing agents” before a firing squad if he catches them.
So, what was it saying? Despite the rather patronising assertion from UPI that “Tens of thousands Ugandans believe such a creature exists”, at least two history bloggers believe that what Amin’s regime was objecting to was not people having a sincere faith in the existence of talking animals, but satire. In the absence of a free press, and presumably never sure who you can trust, sidling up to someone and saying ‘have you heard about the tortoise?’ is a way of spreading dissent without too much risk.
If someone reacts uncomprehendingly, or disapprovingly, you can make something up about a different tortoise and go about your day, but if your acquaintance says “Ha! The tortoise!”, you can smirk subversively together without endangering your lives.
These sources suggest that
Ugandans would often use cryptic stories during time of political unrest to make their reigning government look bad
…and that the tortoise was telling people that
Amin’s cruel reign of terror was nearly up. Opposition was rising, and people would soon take up arms … this legend was … [invented] for the purpose of making the dictator paranoid and uneasy and vulnerable
As it happens, the tortoise was right. Unrest was growing, because — as an academic who knows about these things once told me, in the context of the Arab Spring — most people want safe streets and a healthy economy, and will put up with a lot if they have them. Dictatorships fall, she said, when the economy tanks. This was what was happening in Uganda — and there were several attempted coups.
Earlier in 1978, when the Vice President was flown to a Cairo hospital after a car accident, Amin had taken the opportunity to purge him and many others, and parts of the army mutinied. In the fighting that followed, some fled to neighbouring Tanzania, beginning a conflict, and by April 1979, Amin had fled.
Perhaps significantly, this isn’t the only not-entirely-verified rumour about Amin that involves silly jokes and sniggering. Apparently, the year before, in the run-up the Queen Elizabeth II’s silver jubilee, Lord Mountbatten had confided to his diary that
he asked the queen why she looked “cross and worried”. She was apparently concerned that Amin, who had not been invited with other Commonwealth heads of state to attend the Silver Jubilee ceremonies, would show up at a service at St. Paul’s Cathedral.
“She laughed and said, ‘I was just thinking how awful it would be if Amin were to gatecrash the party and arrive after all’,” Mountbatten wrote. “I asked her what she had proposed to do and she said she had decided she would use the City’s Pearl Sword which the Lord Mayor had placed in front of her to hit him hard over the head with.”
It’s a reminder that, if there’s one things despots — and would-be despots — absolutely can’t handle, or ever satisfactorily display themselves, it’s humour. NOT THAT WE HAVE ANYONE AROUND LIKE THAT ANY MORE, EH, READERS?
